I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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