Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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