at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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