My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
