Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
