omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
