I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
