and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
