We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
