great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
