Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
