i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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