new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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