a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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