so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
