I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
