Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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