I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
