i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
