Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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