I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
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You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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