he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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