your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I deserve this hangover.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
