He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
