Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
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Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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