I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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