Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
