I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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