the condom got lost in my hair
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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