I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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