maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
