Define "chronic" masturbator.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
