Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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