why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
