I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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