bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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