I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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