i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
