Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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