I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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