Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
