he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
