also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
