between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
