I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Randomize
