What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
