Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
