rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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