Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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