i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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