Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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