I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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