Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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