I seem to have left my pride at pride
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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