great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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