he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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