you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Shame is for Republicans.
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