i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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