Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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