my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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