yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
