I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
