My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
