and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
