just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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