I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize