help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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