i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
