the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize