There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
