Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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