I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
