I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I bet he comes in French.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
