Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
