it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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