So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
