she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
