Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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