I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
