Cold hands, warm shart.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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